Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
Shower thoughts
What’s the most emo country in the world?
Qatar.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? The rooster says.. cock a doodle doo The prostitute says.. any cock will do
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.