What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Shower thoughts
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer." Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips. The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go f*ck yourself, these are my chips."
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
The twin towers was basically angry birds but in real life
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
Ever wondered my gay kids don't play basketball ? Becuz they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop
Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.
why was kobe a good father? He took his daughter with him
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand? They don’t deserve rights!
What's kobe favorite song. It's going down for real
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot But he nailed that mountain
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said "Sexy."