Worst Jokes Ever
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Bananana!
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
3.14% of sailors are pirates.