Worst Jokes Ever
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
You wanna hear a joke?
You.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
They wanted somebody to call "daddy."
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
"Yeetus to the fetus."
Why is the orphan so dumb?
Because he didn’t have parents to pay for it.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
This joke is so dark, I need life.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
It’s because they can’t find home plate.