Worst Jokes Ever
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Hello, America!
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
What is green?
Grass, you tard!
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
So, a blind man got run over by a car... a parked car.
Uranus is blue from lack of service.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
*insert pun here*
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
Are you fin-ished with your work?
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!