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Worst Jokes Ever
Men and depression have something in common; they’re always talking.
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
James, sike, I lied, your mommy is pancakes, is so dry.
My best friend: Joey, sike, I lied, your Twitch is dry.
My other friends: the winner is................. my guy James!
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
Why do orphans like the iPhone 12 Pro?
Because there is no home button.
I would like to say that Jace, I disagree with you a lot, and I think you’re a very delusional person.
There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.
Sorry guys ;)
What do you call a gay person who is gay but just can't admit it? A Filipino.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.
"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"
"It's a girl."
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
They don’t deserve rights!
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
