Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between me and the rest of America?

I love one and hate the other.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie one shoe.

Why is the rum gone?

What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled egg.

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?

Hot wheels.

What's a name orphans hate to be called?

"Homie."

What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?

Raisin' her kids!

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?

The pig smells better.

I got a call from NASA. They’ve reached your hairline.

Life is like a raisin cookie you expected to be chocolate.

Disappointing.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!

Fruit, vegetables, my arms.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

On a winter day many play.

Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.