Worst Jokes Ever

What did one emo kid say to the other? "Nice guts, G!"

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

Why are Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently, a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?

Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?

"What's the big dill?"

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

Why did the math book look so sad?

Because it has many problems.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

I am cool.

Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

"I'm an orphan."

"I didn't ask."

The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.

The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.

I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.