Worst Jokes Ever
What is deez + nuts = deez nuts, ha!
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Ooohhh look, an orphan! Let's go beat him up.
What kind of air does Ariana breathe?
Helium?
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
I'm all panic and no disco.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"