The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
Worst Jokes Ever
Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
lolo.
it was just a prank bro.
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
Because they're dead :/
Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.
I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Me lol.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?
It was family size.
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
Say "crack my finger" backwards.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
