*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Worst Jokes Ever
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Do you know Biden?
Biden on these nuts.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
Thank God I went on the tenth.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
McDonald's and the Twin Towers are alike. McDonald's has a drive-through, and the Twin Towers had a fly-through.
