You're jokes

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tank.

Tank who?

You're welcome.

When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

Welcome to codi's pizzeria and abortion clinic; your loss is our sauce!

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"