You're jokes

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

I always wear Puma, put my balls in your mouth.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Your hairline's less straight than my dad's.

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

Your forehead is so big, you look like Megamind but with no superpower, just a big forehead!

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

Can I put my balls in your jaw <3?

Your dad has a huge PP.

Hey paps, BONE-appetit!

(Just eat your spaguetti.)

Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:

Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.

Your mom is so fat, when she asked, "What gift will I get?" Abuela from Encanto said, "Definitely Taco Bell!" 🌮🔔