Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
Your mum is so smart but she still can’t figure why she had you
Your mum your dad the things you never had.
Orphan: what are you doing tonight. Me: your mum... oh wait you don't have one.
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.
