Your Mum jokes
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
Your forehead is so big your mum spent an extra hour in the birth delivery room.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
I fucked your mum!
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Your mum is gay; her name is Rachel.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
You're mum.
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Stinking poo poo bum.
Joke of the day: Your mum is so fat I saw her at Greg’s! 😭🤣
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.
Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.