Your Mum jokes
Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.
Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.
Guess what.
What?
Your mum saw your 1 inch.
Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
Your mum has balls.
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.
I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
What is a queef?
Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
Your mum isn't home.