Your Mum jokes

Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.

You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.

Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.

Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.