Your Mum jokes
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
Your mum's got big tits.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
I fucked your mum!
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
Your mum sunk in the pool because she had a big butt.
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
Your mum!
Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."
What's the difference between your mum and the Twin Towers?
I would smash the Twin Towers.
Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!
Your mum is a Rune Giant.
What's your mum's favourite food?
Chicken nuggets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
Your mum is so fat she eats all day!
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.