Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
You Jokes
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.
What’s the difference between a Rubik's cube and a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What do you call a trash bin for 9/11?
Osama Bin Laden.
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
Like if you know an orphan.
