Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Who’s the hottest girl in the world?
Babe Ruth cuz she catches the sun.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
Your momma is so fat, she doesn't need Wi-Fi, she is already worldwide!
What does a Russian do for entertainment?
A nuclear world fair.
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
Germany does a backflip. America: What is happening?
France: Want a baguette?
USSR: Help!
What's the most annoying thing in the world?
When you're told you're still qualified to live.
9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
What a world we live in. Now we’re making jokes about anorexic people.
Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...
*disconnected*
