Woman

Woman Jokes

Sex

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

Professor

An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.

Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.

When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

Shirt

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Right

Did you know that most women are left-handed?

That’s because the majority of them don’t know what to do with rights.

Teacher

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Swimming Pool

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

Stereotype

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

Floor

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

Name

What’s another name for cumming in a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

Library

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

Cookbook

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

Road

Why did the woman cross the road?

What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

Park Bench

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.