Wish Jokes

I wish we could implant all parts because i could have used some car parts from Stephen hawking after he died.

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

what's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend? I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it.

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer. Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer then someone would kill me.

I wish you were a soap. Because I want you all over me

Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.

A make a wish patient wanted to see Black panther IRL so I pulled his plug

Timmy Turner- I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger

Wanda- Ok Timmy

Timmy- Cosmo bring her to me

Cosmo- here you go Timmy

*Timmy eats Miss Kadie

what is somthing that makes you wish you were dead and rips your skin off and is small and can wear you out in two seconds and betray you in any way posible and can eat you alive.kid's

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

Kid at wish I wish I could be Batman doctor okay shoots mum and dad doctor I guess now you’ll have to be gay you wanted to be like Batman

3 men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish, the 1st man wished he was home with his family, the 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.