Why jokes

Road

Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.

Orphan

Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?

Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.

Orphan

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

Candy

Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

Mister: No, you shit head.

Boy: Why? :(

Mister: Because I'm not your dad.

Beef

Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?

'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?

Orphan

Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.

Cow

Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don’t work. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Cliff

Why did the cliff feel offended?

Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life.

(I'm sorry... No, I'm not!)

Baby

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

Sex

The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?

IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!

Internet

Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.

Depression

Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

Sister

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.