Why jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His wife forgot to plug his wheelchair into the wall.
Why does a deaf kid always like football? He gets signed.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?
You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.
Why do Lebanese go to school? Tabouli!
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".