Why jokes

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Why did the skeleton want a friend?

Because she was feeling bonely.

Why did Sally fall off the swings?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

Guy 1: Don't you?

Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

**Meow...**

Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.

Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.

Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?

Their dad never came back with the milk.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

Why can't Asians have a white baby? Because two wongs don't make a white.

Why can't orphans use iPhones?

They can't find the home button.

Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?

Friend B: Yes, why?

Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!

Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?

Lights are hanging.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

She keeps on running from the ball.

Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?

Because they have no parental guidance.

You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA