Why jokes
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.
The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Memes
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.