When jokes
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
When I saw you, it instantly made me cry. LOL.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
What happens to Emos when they go up?
They never come down.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
Yo mama so old, I bet she was born when dinosaurs were made, and also she killed them with they breath! 😭😭
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.