When jokes

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.

Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.

I screamed "Jenga" today when watching the 9/11 documentary.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it’s intersected by a plane.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.