Whats jokes
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.
So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.