Whats jokes

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?

They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

What's a school shooter's favorite anime?

Assassination Classroom.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?

Udder destruction.