Whats jokes

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.

Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?

Stop imagining!

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

What are cheetahs' favorite chips?

Cheetah Puffs!

What do you call a person with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

What is an Irish kiss?

Fellatio from a gay Irishman.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?

Shredded tweet!

"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"

"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"

"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"

What is the difference between a flower and an orphan?

A flower gets picked.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?

It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?

"Time to hit the sack!"

What did one orphan say to the other?

"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What did the orphan say to his dad last?

Please get non-fat milk!

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.