A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
Whats Jokes
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”
Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”
The teacher faints.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
