Whats jokes
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
I wonder whats wrong with it
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."
A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”
Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”
The teacher faints.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.