What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Whats Jokes
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?
I did nazi that coming!
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
Why can you bully orphans?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call ball drama?
What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
What do you call Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What are American schools?
Shooting ranges.
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
