It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Whats Jokes
What's yellow and smells of Marge? Homer Simpson's fingers!
What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...
Water... yup, water...
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What is the smartest month?
April - No one can fool it.
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
What is the leader of the school supplies?
The ruler!
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
A cow with no legs.
