Well jokes

I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.

It didn't land well.

What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?

One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?

Tess: No!

Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!

Tess: Oh!

Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."

Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

"White on white crime, well ham rights crime anyway in Eastern Europe right now!"

Is Uranus big? Well... your anus is...

When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?

Just barely hugging you! Lol.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

To RANDYYYY,

Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.

-ALYA with love

If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.

How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?

I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?

With a degree!