Weightiness jokes
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
Bully: You're a loser and fat.
Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
Yo mama so fat, her weight is angry grandpa's subscriber count.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.