Waste jokes

A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.

The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.

"New around here?" said the bartender.

"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.

Bartender "You can talk?"

Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."

Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"

Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"

The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.

The robot seems to be just like a normal human.

"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.

"The top minds in the world," said the robot.

The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."

Bartender, "What?"

"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"

Yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you, asshole!

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

What’s worse than five babies in a dumpster?

One baby in five dumpsters.

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

PP in the poo poo.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?

He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

What's the same about bins and orphans? They get dumped.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

No wonder why I can't find you. You're in the trash bin.

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.