Vine jokes

Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.

What did the grape say to the rapper?

"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

What's better than a meme? A really good Vine.