The other day my wife said "take me someplace I have never been before, I said why don't you try the kitchen! "
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan. The tour guide said “That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member” Well done Lewandisney
Where did Sally go during the summer swimming
A lesbian couple and a gay couple. We’re going to San Francisco who made it first. The lesbian couple got there lickety-split The gay couple was still packing their shit
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."
Where does a Pencil go to vacation Pencil Vania
I went to pen island for vacation this summer, there were a lot of bones
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken was on vacation
So Steph Curry and Lebron Jame went on a vacation and Steph Curry said try not to travel
why can orphans travel so much?
they don't get homesick
Why are there no Jamaicans on the moon? Because there's no space jam
Man we all have the one cool sibling then the strong sibling and then you the one who plays on there iPad on computer all day then when you are on vacation you are doing nothing at all
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
My parents came back from their vacation in Florida and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie
