Use jokes

When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?

They were always using pyramid schemes!

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.

He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.

When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.

It happened too fast, he watched the very last.

Next he died, eaten all fried.

Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.

Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

Guess Stephen Hawking never had use for sweatcoin😂

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.

What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.