Uglies jokes

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and feel better.

Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.

If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.

If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.

Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: You're both!

Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.