Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"
*My mom trying to get me to do dishes*
Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.
Me: Why did you?
Mom: I was very drunk...
Explains a lot...
That one awkward moment you try to relate to batman by killing your parents.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage."
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "what's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "well Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit so we cut them off."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore, she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
what happens when a emo kid try's to Hight five you??? you leave him hanging
If at first it don't succeed try, try again.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun..... Then it dawned on me
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Someone said to stop hurting myself but I'm still trying to cut me arms off
whats the worst thing to say to an emo. if you don't succeed the first time try try try again
