Worst Jokes Ever

In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

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A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

What is white and 9 inches?

Nothing.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Where does the banana learn to split? At Sunday school.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

Dark humour jokes are like water; some get it, some don’t.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Can we go back to 2001?

I bet it was more fun back then.

Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"

Girl, scan the code on your wrist.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!