Worst Jokes Ever

I have ligma.

If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!

You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.

Suck my butts, queer.

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."

The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."

What's the POINT in stabbing people?

HAHAHA

What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?

You don't want your computer to go down on you.

That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.

fff.

There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

What is flatter than an Asian?

Their nose.

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

Why did the tomato go red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

The boy ran into the gym, why?

Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."

F*ck my ass.

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?

What did the cow say to the prostitute?

Moo.

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.