Worst Jokes Ever

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.

Why are dogs different than orphans?

Because dogs don't cry for their parents.

When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama?

What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find home.

Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the people aboard are stupid.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

Your hairline looks like Thanos snapped your hair out of existence.

Your mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, it only got rid of weight.