Told jokes

Your mama is so far that when she told a joke, no one was laughing, but the floor was literally cracking up.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

What's the funniest thing you ever read? For me it was when Rapboat told me he was a legit rapper.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"