Togetherness jokes

What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?

An eagle-lastic band!

What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.

Why can't orphans have friends?

They will stay together.

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

MMM ppl just chat random things together.... JUST WRITE JOKES YA'LL!

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby together, it would be a turd covered in semen.

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"

Man, I didn't know they put Humpty Dumpty back together!

When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?

Touch base.

Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.

The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.

Why do cows have babies?

They moo-ved together.

What do you call two emos spending time together?

Hanging out.

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

What did the substrate say to the active site?

"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."

Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."

A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."