So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time
You see this guy's sense bahh If it was a cartoon It would be an avatar Cause why??
Anytime he needs it most It vanishesđšđ
One time a kid came to the hospital and said âI really need helpâ, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said âyes I am really hotâ and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said âare you sure, you look amazingâ and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!
why is bieng alive so expensive im not even having a good time
Lol these jokes have been heard millions of times
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone. In my theater we had a standing ovation!
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
we sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave eric and dylan a shortcut
*In thick Russian accent Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid urkrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man an entire city disappeared
Iâll never forget the first time we met. But Iâll keep trying.
Whatâs the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name only the dog comes back.
Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray One, two It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories
Emo kids are so good at kicking football I hear they have good hang time
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, âThatâs the fourth time youâve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesnât it embarrass you?â
âWhy should it?â answered her spouse. âI keep telling them itâs for you.â
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom. He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store". But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?". Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing." Johnny says, "Oh." "But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
What time is it when you have a tooth ache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty)
Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time
Have you seen the justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts
Bruh
But actually, it's a parody
Wait actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).