Threw jokes

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

POV: I threw a paper airplane between the two twins, class.

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

The cannibal got angry, so he threw up his arms.

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"