Thing jokes
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Technoblade was the second worst thing that happened to orphans.
Guys, they weren’t always orphans!
Life sucks, and so does the vacuum, and other things.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.