They jokes

Job

  • I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

    "Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

    The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

  • 3
  • Wood

  • An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.

    "Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."

    The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

    Milkman

  • A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

  • 58
  • Emo

  • Why are emo jokes so infamous?

    They cut deep.

    Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?

    Turns out it was just a phase.

    How many emos like anagrams?

    Some.

    What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?

    Emold.

    What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?

    They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.

    What do you call flat-chested emo?

    A cutting board.

    How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Who cares, let them cry in the dark.

    Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

    It was the Happy Meal.

    Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.

    “Emo cake?” says the baker. ”What exactly is it?”

    Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”

    How do you pull an emo from a tree?

    Cut the rope.

    What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?

    They’re both white and flavorless.

    What do emo birds call their mouths?

    Bleaks.

    What do you call an obese emo teen?

    An edgelord.

    Recommended: Fat Jokes

    What do you call a gang of emo kids?

    Suicide Squad.

    How are cats and emos different from one another?

    The cat still has 8 other lives.

    Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?

    They are playing Fruit Ninja.

    What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?

    Sonic the Edgy hog.

    Why would the emo swallow a clock?

    So he could wake up inside.

    Why are Emos still around?

    Because the suffering never ends.

    What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?

    You encourage them.

    What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?

    A toaster.

    What is the favorite game of an emo?

    Hangman.

    Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?

    So it could cut itself.

    A group of friends started an emo salsa band.

    They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.

    What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?

    Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.

  • 1
  • Teacher

  • Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

    Me: Wow, they found the body already?

    Dad: :/

  • 0
  • Squirrel

  • Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

    Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

    Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

    I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

    I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

  • 3
  • Alien

  • My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”

    “Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”

  • 1