How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...
Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
When dwarfs get high, do they just get medium?
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
