They jokes
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
Life is like a box of chocolates, they f*cking melt :)
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
What's an orphan's favorite food? Nothing, they can't afford it.
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.