They jokes
So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.
So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"
So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!
Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why do orphans go to church?
So at least they will have someone to call father.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
If you're ever bored, just slap an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
Why are orphans prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What did the people do to the deceased after tests?
They bari-um.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Who are the fastest readers of mankind?
The victims of 9/11, they went through dozens of stories in a couple of seconds.